Inspired by the brilliant Doug Benson's column "I Love Movies!" at www.handheldcomedy.com, here are my reviews of recent films I haven't seen (and never will):
The Bucket List – I guess Jack and Morgan can cross “star in a worthless piece of shit” off their bucket lists now.
I’m Not There – Neither is an audience.
Mad Money – Finally, a feature-length biopic about Jim Cramer.
Definitely, Maybe – The next word in this progression describes the chances of me going to see this piece of crap.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets – Secret #1: How Nic Cage went from being an awesome actor to an embarrassing tool.
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford – Did Fiona Apple come up with that title?
Atonement – Too bad the writers’ strike didn’t kick in before they started on this.
My Kid Could Paint That – Hell, your kid could DIRECT this.
There Will Be Blood – Thankfully, there will ALSO be another seven years before P.T. Anderson releases another bloated, over-rated epic.
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead – This movie was on it’s way to video before the audience knew they released it.
No Country For Old Men – How many spoof porno titles can you come up with from this?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
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2 comments:
hey eli, not sure if you'll remember me or not-- andrea corrona? I think maybe we went to salem high school together for a short amount of time. then I moved to cincinnati. anyway, was looking through the yearbook the other day, came across your photo and decided to google you and well, look at what I found. if this is, indeed, the same eli braden that I knew whay back when.
so yeah, hey. how are you?
in regards to this post, I am mostly in agreement. though I am still holding out a shred of hope for p.t. anderson. generally speaking, that is.
Eli Braden? Yes, I am in cahoots with Andrea Corrona. Actually we have formed a network of unlikely stalkers from your past. Worried yet? You should be. Andrea told me your blog location was Studio City, and holy beejeezus, we are like neighbors, dude. - Tiffany Root
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